Dealing with Grief

rain on window

When a friend or loved one passes away, the family left behind is faced with many challenges. One part of this is handling the actual arrangements of the funeral or memorial services.

From planning or arranging a funeral to carrying out the pre-planned arrangements and wishes of the deceased, there are several important steps to take into consideration. We have dedicated a section on our website as a place with information that will help you know what to do when a death occurs.

Another aspect of having a friend or loved one pass away is the grief that accompanies it. Grief is a natural way of dealing with loss and families should allow themselves time to heal.

We recently came across a beautiful passage that was written from the perspective of a grieving person to his/her family and friends. If you have a friend who is dealing with grief, this might help you understand what he/she is going through during this time.

If you are grieving, this might serve as a way to allow your loved ones to know just what you are going through.

 

Dear Friend,

Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time.

Please don’t take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don’t be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.

Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give.

Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them.

Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired clichés. I can’t handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.

Please don’t try to find the “right” words to say to me. There’s nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words.

Please don’t push me to do things I’m not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.

Please don’t stop calling me. You might think you’re respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment. Please don’t expect me to be the same as I was before. I’ve been through a traumatic experience and I’m a different person.

Please accept me for who I am today. Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I’ve worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive, and compassionate friend-becauseI have learned from the best.

Love,
(Your name)

[image via FlickrStorm with creative commons license by seyed mostafa zamani (contact)]
**We aren’t sure the origin of this passage, but it was shared by grief expert Margaret Brownley on Facebook. If you know its author, please share that information so we can pay proper tribute.